I dispose


I have been taught, what I own, — I dispose, what I don't own, — I can't dispose.

What if I need to dispose? What if I don't need to dispose?

Property gives me the right to freely dispose?

The blissful belief of ownership, achievement, satisfaction of disposing what money made me believe I own,

– reassuring my self ego in the belief that I am the master of my belongings’ destiny? The fantasied creation has not been shaped to serve my own hunger and pleasure. My guilt lies in the inability to arise. I am not – conscious.

My unconscious self prides itself of individualistic evil, complies in the guilt of only what my flesh has done.

Need to arise, need to expand, need to free,

— need to understand, need to open,

— need to disconnect from the fantasy that I only belong to the group of atoms that form my body. Red in purple: to be acknowledged. My chemical balance dysfunctions trying to, adapt to, an unnatural blued frame. I am, — slowly, becoming allergic, My cells are muting, rejecting their essential nature. I dispose and obey, — I surrender still believing that comfort is the game.